


Useless

by sunshine_deathboy



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan, The Trials of Apollo - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Cutting, Grief, Hurt Will, Insecurity, M/M, Minor Character Death, Nico di Angelo is Bad at Feelings, Nico di Angelo is a Cute Dork, Nico di Angelo is a Good Boyfriend, Nico di Angelo/Will Solace Fluff, Nightmares, Protective Nico di Angelo, Self-Doubt, Suicide Attempt, Will Needs a Hug, Will Solace Nightmares, Will Solace needs comfort, solangelo, solangelo moments
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-19
Updated: 2021-01-19
Packaged: 2021-03-17 05:36:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,439
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28843944
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunshine_deathboy/pseuds/sunshine_deathboy
Summary: Will had once again failed to save his patient, which attacked him with anxiety, self-doubt, & terrible nightmares, that had been more true and real than it seemed to be.
Relationships: Austin Lake & Will Solace, Kayla Knowles & Will Solace, Nico di Angelo & Austin Lake, Nico di Angelo & Kayla Knowles, Nico di Angelo & Will Solace, Nico di Angelo/Will Solace
Kudos: 13





	Useless

**Author's Note:**

> WARNING:  
> If you are sensitive to suicide and cutting, turn back now. Also, heavy scenes of anxiety and grief are shown.

**-Will’s POV-**

It’s been a week since Nico, Kayla, and Lou Ellen went on a quest to clear up some monster den that was strongly surrounded by mist, they should be back by now. Just as I was cleaning up the infirmary someone came barging up the door, my face lit up as I saw Nico but then I saw Kayla, in his and Lou Ellen’s arms, she was filled with blood around her chest. I felt the color draining out from my face, “ON THE BED NOW!” I said with worry and panic, Nico and Lou Ellen obeyed and shooed them outside, as soon as I went over Kayla I felt poison spreading around her body, What’s worse is, its already taken up her heart since the scratches where the poison probably went in was near her chest. I knew it was hopeless, but I had to try, I have lost so many patients, including some of my siblings, and believe me, it hurts more when it's your siblings’ the ones you fail to save. I gave everything in my power till I drained myself but nothing, Kayla was gone. I started sobbing, feeling grief, panic, pain, & hatred towards myself, I then ran out of the infirmary without thinking, I passed Nico, he tried to grab me but I didn’t let him, I just wanna be alone. After sobbing and crying by the lake for only the gods knew how long, I went back to my cabin, making sure no one’s outside to see me.

_ You’re a shame, You can’t even save your sibling! You’re useless. _

My thoughts just kept coming at me, so I decided to sleep, which by the way turned out to be a bad idea. I started seeing all the patients that have died under my responsibility, they all looked angry at me screaming insults I cannot bare;

_ You call yourself the head of the infirmary? You’re useless! You’ll just get more people killed! Shame on you! You’re useless. _

The word useless echoing every time it’s said,I curled down and covered my ears as I sobbed and everything went quiet, I dared to look up and saw Michael, Lee, and Kayla. All 3 I have lost, all 3 I couldn’t save, they didn’t say anything they just glared at me, and that was enough to get me sobbing again, my body was shaking, I felt a panic attack coming then someone grabbed me by the arm, it was a reflection of myself that looked at me with fake pity on his eyes, he had a knife, he was giving it to me, “Do it, cut yourself, you better off die than live your life as someone useless”, I was shaking so bad so he shoved the knife to one of my hand, “Don’t be scared, you know deep down that you wanna do it” he then knelt to be at my level, as I curl up, hugging my knees and continuing to cry with the knife in hand then I heard him whisper, “You are afterall… useless” The word useless came echoing through my ears again, I took out the knife and cut through my left wrist watching the blood drip, “Deeper” I heard him whisper, so I followed as my whole body trembles, I can feel the knife damaging my veins, “Bring it up to your neck, by the carotid artery” , then my eyes widened, “B-but, one cu-cut there would surely ki-kill me” I said stuttering trembling at the same time, “Didn’t you wanna die” the tone of the voice was so cold, you’d never thought it would ever come from his mouth, my reflection then took my hand that’s holding the knife then dragged it to where my carotid artery should be located, as I was about to get it over with, a shake, with someone saying my name in a really worried tone woke me up and brought me back to reality, I opened my eyes, I was by the floor next to my bed, holding the dagger he kept close for protection and saw a deep cut on hand and blood around the floor, I can feel tears rolling down my eyes as I looked up, it was Nico kneeling in front of me, his face filled with worry, “You alright sunshine?” he said gently, “I-I had a nightmare, wh- what happened?”, Austin kneeled next to me wrapping my cutted arm with bandages, then it dawned on me, I looked down not being able to look at Nico or my brother, I felt shame and guilt wash over “Was I cutting myself in my sleep?” I asked in a whisper, more to myself than to Nico, there was silence as Austin finished wrapping my arm, “I’ll leave you two” I heard him murmur and Nico nodded.

**-Nico’s POV-**

Once Austin had left us, I hugged Will and explained to him what happened. “Austin heard you sobbing and screaming in your bed, he tried to wake you up but he said you wont bulge, then you begun to stand and grabbed your dagger that’s when he got really worried and ran to my cabin to ask for my help, at first I was annoyed because you know how I get when you wake me up” I tried to laugh to lighten the mood but it sounded half-hearted “As soon as he told me what happened though, my eyes widened then I ran to your cabin as fast as I can, when I saw you at the floor cutting yourself I tried to scream your name but that didn’t work, if anything it only made things worse as you pushed the dagger deeper through your skin, which by the way was really painful to watch, it was like you were in a trance, and so I ran to you filled with worry and shook you, calling your name to hopefully snap you out of it, as you were raising your dagger to your neck readying to kill yourself with one last cut” I then looked down as tears start rolling my eyes too, “I thought I was gonna lose you, Will”, Will looked up at me, his eyes were red and puffy and for once, it didn’t look cheerful or filled with sunshine as it always did, it just looks plain sad, atleast Will stopped shaking, that’s a good sign, right? “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you” Will said, filled with guilt, then I hugged him again, “Shh.. You don’t have to say sorry, I know grief when I see it, but you don’t have to blame yourself, you tried your best, its not your fault”' , Will hugged me back “Just don’t scare me like that ever again” I said, Will tried to smile but it didn’t look that genuine, “Do you wanna talk about it?” I asked with concern, “Not tonight” he answered, I nodded in understanding, grief isn’t something you rush, if Will’s ready, I know he will come to me, but for now it's only best to leave him be. “Hey sunshine,” I said softly as me and Will has been dating for awhile I have a hunch on what may be bothering and though I’m not always good at comforting other people, I want Will to be the exception, I want to protect him not only physically but also emotionally and mentally, Will looked up “Yeah deathboy?” he asked,

_ “You’re not useless” _

Will then managed a smile that looked a bit more genuine and better than the one before, so I added “Wanna sleep the rest of the night in my cabin?” Will just nodded, so I stood up reaching for his hand as I pulled him up, we walked to my cabin and laid down on the bed, “If you ever feel like having a nightmare like that again, you better be sleeping in my cabin or else you’re so dead to me” I said trying to sound threatening but ended up smirking, “I’ll keep that in mind” Will then cracked a laugh, which felt good to hear after the events of tonight, as he stopped, silence filled the room then… “I love you so much sunshine, and thank you for being understanding”, I smiled and hummed in agreement, “I love you too Solace, now get some sleep or else I won't allow you to work in the infirmary tomorrow”, Will snorted “You sound like me”, it was my turn to laugh, “I know” then Will wrapped his arm around me as I lean my head on his chest, then we both fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> My first time writing something in Will's POV, I'm not sure if I captured him right, especially cause I wrote him sad, which rarely happens. I've also noticed my fics so far has been showing the not so best parts of Will. So my next fic would probably show him at his best with Nico at his worse or maybe just something lighthearted we'll see.
> 
> Leave suggestions/comments on how I can improve my writing and if you like my stuff. Also, don't forget to leave a kudos!


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